The Dark Side
by Laura Bernice Johsnon
Summary: Laura Palmer's life since her first party... Her experiences with drugs, Bobby, Leo, prostitution, her feelings, her suffering... Starts with 14 years old Laura, ends with her last day...


**Note: I'm really sorry, guys, for my poor English... If there are any mistakes, please, tell me, and I'll fix them as soon as possible :)**

**And about the story - well, the story is mainly about Laura (I am totally obsessed with her) and her problems with cocaine and stuff like that since she's first tried it. I hope you will enjoy it :) Please, review after reading, it will really help, even critic :) Thank you so much for reading :) Enjoy! :)  
**

"Bobby..." I sighed, laughing. "You know I can't skip school..."

"You can skip whatever you want, babe," he hugged me around my shoulders.

"What if my parents find out?" I asked, trying to be serious.

"How the hell would they find out?"

"Teachers... Donna... Audrey... No, Bobby, this really is not a good idea," I shook my head.

"Come on, babe... You've already skipped school two times..." he sighed.

"When?" I asked, surprised. "When did I skip school?"

"Let me see... Oh, yeah! October 2nd! And then on October 15th as well," he smiled at me mysteriously, hugging me around my waist now.

"The one on October 2nd was because I was with Troy at the stables," I reminded him, turning to him and looking happily into his eyes.

"You mean you told your parents you will be with Troy at the stables," he corrected me.

"And the one on October 15th was because of the dentists," I said, ignoring his previous sentence.

"But you weren't there whole day, were you?" he was flirting with me again.

"That doesn't matter... The point is, I had an excuse of which both of my parents were aware," I sighed.

"But baby... Come on..."

"No, I'm really sorry, but no," I had to refuse.

"Why?" he asked. Oh, no, he was getting into his mood _why-isn't-everything-like-I-want-it_. "Your parents will have no idea that you were with me and Leo!"

"But what about Donna?" I asked. Yeah, that was the biggest problem – what will I say to Donna? My parents won't find out, I'll have an excuse for my classes (I'll write some, imitating the signature of my mother), but... How will I explain it to Donna?

Bobby was quite a while, thinking. Suddenly, he got and idea:

"You can tell her you were with Troy, can't you?"

"You think she will believe me? That I wasn't at home because I was with Troy?" I asked, doubtfully.

"Of course... She must know you are strange sometimes," he smiled, making fun of me again. But I had no mood for joking.

"Thank you very much," I retorted ironically, walking away angrily. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back.

"Oh come on, babe, I didn't mean it like that. I meant that... You know..." he sighed. Yeah, I know exactly what he meant. I was completely aware of that, although it freaked me out a lot. I was strange. Was I? Was I strange? And how come Bobby knew? I mean, if I would tell Donna that I wanted to be with Troy that night and that I didn't want to tell my parents, I know she would understand, and would shut up about that. She knew me – she knew that I was sometimes a bit strange and at that moment, I just wanted to be alone for a while, settle down my thoughts, and then everything will be okay again. But she was the only person who knew this about me – so how come Bobby said such a thing now?

"No, I have no idea how you meant it," I lied angrily.

"Please, babe... Wouldn't Donna understand it? I mean... Some girls are like that – when they feel messed up, they have to go away for a while, to settle down thoughts and so on..."

"How come you know that?" I exclaimed. Actually, it kind of scared me – this was the thing I was thinking of not ten seconds ago!  
"Oh, please..."

"How do you know?" I asked, now a bit puzzled.

"I... I don't know... It's just... My mom often does it." I knew this was a lie. I good lie, that's true, but I didn't believe him.

"Ah..." I sighed, but didn't say anything. I didn't know what – I didn't want to start fighting with Bobby because of this, but... Well...

"So, are you going?" he asked nicely. "Laura... Please..."

"Oh, okay," I sighed. "But you have to help me with that excuse. And don't forget, nobody can see us."

"Sure, honey... You have my word," he laughed. And then he pressed his lips against mine, trying to point out that nothing matters now. Actually, it did.

**-o0o-**

"I know, Donna, I know. But please..." I sighed. I knew this will be a hard thing to do, but I just had to!

"It's... I'm just... Laura, you know you're my best friend and I would do anything for you... But is there anything you want to talk about?"

Great! She will do it, then! The only problem was...

"I... No, Donna. Don't worry. I just need to be alone for a while."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"I... I..." No! Not this!

"You know you can tell me anything, Laura... I'm your best friend, remember?"

"Oh, Donna, I know you're my best friend, and I really love you... But... I just need to be alone, that's it."

"You sure you okay?" she asked, unsure.

"Of course," I smiled at her with the nicest smile I could muster. "I just need to be alone for a while, that's all."

**-o0o-**

"Where's your wife?" asked Bobby, a bit surprised.

"She's at work," Leo answered, poisoned.

"Oh... But she's coming home today, isn't she?" I asked. I really wanted to meet Shelly and talk to her. Although I was already a good friend of hers, as I've always met her at the Double R, but this would be more... Private.

"No, she'll be at Norma Jennings's."

"Norma? But... Isn't she living with that husband of hers, Hank?"

"No, he's in the prison..." Leo said, and as my mouth opened again to give another question about Shelly or Norma or whoever, he said: "But I don't want to talk about her."

"Shelly? But she's really nice..." Bobby started, and as soon as he said it, I felt it wasn't a good move. Leo glanced at him with the worse glance I have ever seen on him.

"She is just an average waitress, maybe pretty, but dumb. She's really, really naive and she's not thinking for herself."

I and Bobby looked at each other, but didn't say a word. It was useless. I knew that if I'd say something to stand up for Shelly, he would just tell me that I'm a little bitch and I know nothing about her. Before going to Leo's, I talked about him to Bobby, and he told me that Leo is in some kind of weird stuff and that he can be moody sometimes. I was worried about that – I didn't want him to get mad. I barely knew him.

"Well, I can't judge that," I said with a smile at Leo. "I know her only from Double R, and that's not much, is it?"

"Not really," laughed Bobby, agreeing with me. "And the same is with me. Maybe you're right, Leo."

Leo didn't say anything, he just turned around and went over to a little cabinet next to his television. I and Bobby exchanged surprised glances.

"Here's the stuff I told you about, Bobby..." said Leo suddenly, turning around, giving Bobby some plastic box. What was inside? I have no idea. I looked at both of them, questioningly. Both ignored me.

"Ah, thanks, man," Bobby smiled. "This will help me a lot."

"I know, that's why I gave it to you..." Leo rolled his eyes and went back, to sit down.

"What's that?" I said after a while, during which Leo turned off the TV and Bobby was doing something with the bag.

"Something... Awesome," Bobby smiled mysteriously.

"Uh?" I asked, waiting for some explanation.

"Oh, man, Laura, you are acting as if you didn't know!" Bobby rolled his eyes and put the bag on his knees. I looked at it – and inside, there was just a plain, normal white powder. Lots of white powder. The first thing I thought of was...

"Methamphetamine?" I asked. I know it was so stupid of me! How could I ask something like that? I mean, I've overheard Ronette talking to some guy about methamphetamine, but... Seriously? How could I ever say that?

"It's cocaine. Duh!" Bobby made a dull face.

"Oh, right!" I said, acting kind of stupid. I leaned next to Bobby's ear, and whispered:

"So this is the weird stuff Leo is into, right?"

"Yup, babe..."

I looked at it again, examining it.

"Oh, no, Bobby!" Leo screamed, rolling his eyes and walking right over to my boyfriend. "Didn't I tell you that you can't tell anyone?"

"But, Leo..."

"And when I say no one can know, I really mean NO ONE!" he shouted.

"Man, stop it! It's just Laura... She won't tell anyone... Will you, sweetie?" Bobby grabbed my hand, what felt really comfortable at that moment.

"Sure I won't," I assured Leo, smiling at him the nicest smile I could.

"But... Man, Bobby, you are such and ass!" he exclaimed.

"Please, Leo..." I walked over to him. "It's okay... You know I will never ever tell anyone..."

I hugged him around the waist, pressing my lips to his. I wanted to calm him down, and I knew that Bobby wouldn't mind it now. Not now, when _I_ was saving _his_ safety (which meant preventing Leo's anger from an explosion).

Leo wouldn't let me kiss him. After a quick, and not very nice kiss, he turned around, so I had to back up.

"You'd better not tell anyone, bitch..." he was annoyed. I didn't say anything. I just turned around, a bit offended. Why did he call me a bitch? Isn't Bob enough?

"Man, Leo, stop it!" Bobby stood up, facing him. After a while, he said: "Laura is never gonna tell anyone."

"Yeah, and to be honest, I don't think coke is a bad idea," I said, trying to show him that I would never ever say it to anyone.

"Want some?" Bobby smiled and me, looking at me, pleading.

"Hum, I don't know..." I sighed. But of course I knew – I wanted some. And I wanted it really bad. When I was talking to Ronette last time, she told me it's something awesome, that when it gets to your body, you will feel... Good. Perfect. And that's what I needed right now – I was totally freaking out because of Bob. He was getting to know me, and each night, it was worse. Only a bit, but it was worse.

"Just try it. One line won't hurt you, babe," Bobby smiled at me.

"Don't make her!" Leo warned him. "That would not do any good. Laura doesn't want it, I don't want it... It's just less cocaine for everyone. No offense, Laura, but it's true. And after all, I don't want you to get into this."

"No, I have no problem with that," I smiled at him nicely. "To be honest, I've always wanted to try it."

"Really?" Leo asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, totally. I mean, I am messed up, and I'm sure the coke would help. It is better then marijuana, isn't it?" I asked.

"Sure it is, but it's much more dangerous. But, I mean, if you want... Whatever. I'll try to give you as much as I can for free."

"Oh, that would be so nice of you!" I accepted his offer. "But first, let me try it... I'm not sure if it's that good..."

"Sure it is," Bobby winked. "It's awesome."

"Can I have some?"

"Sure, babe... Come... You blow it up like this..."

After that, I've experienced a lesson "How to snort coke." It was pretty fun, actually, although all the time I had a weird feeling in my stomach. It was nervousness, of course – what would my parents say if they knew? What would Donna say? She was there with me when we tried the marijuana cigarette, but would she go all the way? No. I knew that she wouldn't. I continued, she stopped. Why did this happen? Was it all because of Bobby? Because I was going out with him? Well, it was my choice to go to the party at Leo's on October 2nd, but of course I went when Bobby was insisting... But something told me Donna wouldn't do this if she were me. She wouldn't go to that party, and if she would, she wouldn't kiss that girl I kissed, she wouldn't be like I was. She was... Different. She was good. And I? Was I really bad? Or did Bob make me? Or... Man, even though I hated Bob, somewhere inside I felt that it is okay to blame him for everything. And somewhere even deeper inside me, I felt that it isn't okay, and that if I wouldn't want to go there, I should have said no. But I wasn't strong enough to say no. Why? Maybe because it didn't really matter to me – and I actually wanted to go. But... How... How is it possible? How is it possible that now I was snorting cocaine? Cocaine – illegal drug.

I couldn't even think about how my mom would be disappointed if she'd find out. She's been telling me many stuff about drugs – that it isn't cool, that I should control myself and so on. And I've always told her that it's okay, and I promised that I won't start drugs, because I knew how bad they are, how they can ruin one's life... I remember how we were talking about it at school – no drugs, no drugs, or you'll regret it, and we've told our teacher that we never will because it's disgusting.

And now, not three years later, I was blowing it up my nose. Good job, Laura Palmer! Good job!

"_And you are telling me that you aren't fucked up..." _I heard a voice in my head. No! He was here again! No, no, no! Not now!

I felt his presence. But I tried to ignore it. And with a bit of coke... He was gone. I felt that he wasn't here anymore. Maybe he was and it was only the coke that was making me feel it's okay, or maybe he actually went away...

"It's awesome..." I sighed, lying back down. "It's actually... Dude, it's great."

"Told ya," Bobby winked towards me. I was comfortably lying on a couch, looking at the white mess at the table. I was in love with it – seriously.

"But there's no beer left..." Leo sighed, deeply.

"Whatever..." I laughed. "When we've got this..."

"I feel strange without it," Leo said truthfully.

"Nay... Coke's good enough..."

"But this is the only left I have," Leo sighed. "That's not mine," he added, when we looked at him questioningly.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah..."

"But... I would like some, if you don't mind," I said, looking at him pleadingly.

"Me too," Bobby sighed. "I'll pay you, man, it's just that I don't have much left..."

"I'm gonna get to the next delivery next week," Leo said. "Can you handle it?"

"I will, if you're gonna give me some," I smiled at them. "Because it's awesome."

"No way!" Bobby shook his head. "I really need some, man..."

"Then why don't you go to the woods, Bobby? There's the guy I told you about..."

"Jacques?"

"Yup..." Leo whispered something to Bobby, who then nodded, gave me a quick kiss and with the words:

"Be back in a few!" Went out.

"Who's Jacques?" I asked Leo once we were alone.

"That doesn't have to bother you," he smiled, and hugged me around my waist.

"No, seriously, who's it?"

"Doesn't matter..." He looked at me, smiling. I smiled back.

"Leo, I really have to thank you for that free coke. I mean... It really helped. I feel awesome," I smiled.

"You can have much more if you want..." he was smiling mysteriously, coming closer and closer.

"Would you do that?" I was surprised.

"If you'd give me something in return..." He was pressing his lips on mine.

"What exactly?"

"This..."

And it started. He took the end of my shirt at pulled it down... And then, he started to untie my bra... I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. And... The worst of all was that I didn't want to. I felt... Good. And I didn't want to think about it... Not now... Not now... I knew what I was risking – loosing Bobby... And not only him. A reputation of a nice, smart and intelligent angelic girl that was smart to start things like drugs. Did I really want it? I didn't think. I didn't want to think, because if I would, then I would might change my mind. And that was the last thing I wanted – it was so awesome...

**-o0o-**

The next time I was with Leo, it was even better. Bobby didn't know about me and Leo, and if he did, he wasn't showing it. But I doubt that – I asked Leo not to tell anyone, and the same did he.

"Leo... Leo... Give me more... I want more..." I begged, trying to put myself together.

"You already have yours... I can't give you more, Laura..." he said with an annoyed tone, raping my clothes off me.

"I need more," I said, insisting.

"I haven't got it," he said, ignoring me. "And if you'll ever..."

"But Leo!" I stopped with our common ritual, and backed away. Then I sat down on his sofa.

"What's this?" he asked, not really happy. I might say that he was getting angry now.

"Don't you understand? I need another dose," I tried to explain.

"Fourteen years old? Laura, are you fucking crazy? You can't do it like that – you'll bankrupt."

"Bankrupt? I didn't give you a cent, right?" I asked, annoyed.

"But I won't give you an eight ball for one sex!" Now he was really angry. "What do you think, where are we? Do you think I love you that much that I will give you coke for free? Forget it, bitch!"

"I didn't mean it like that," I sighed, trying to calm Leo down by smiling at him nicely. "I just thought that you could get me more. I promise, I'll pay you."

"With what? You have no money, Laura Palmer," he turned back to me, walking up and down the living room.

"I have some..." I tried to explain.

"But not many! You will not, you can not make it!"

"That's my problem," I retorted angrily, getting up and putting my bra back on. Leo stopped me, and made me sit back on a couch. I stopped, frozen by fear. What's he up to? For the first time in my life, I was scared of Leo. Seriously. When I've first seen him, the only thing that I thought was "Wow, he looks quite cool, although not real friendly", but as I came up to him and started talking, he smiled and it was better in no time. And now... He wasn't smiling, and he looked a bit... Scary. Really. I was sure that he could hurt me if he would want to. And that was the moment that I understood Shelly – what she was experiencing, why was she acting like she was, and why she didn't like Leo but was afraid to say so. I understood in a split second.

"That's not only your problem, bitch," Leo said slowly, which made the effect even worse. I took my clothes and I tried to cover as much of my naked body as I could. I saw that Leo could sense the fear which was growing inside of me. Man... I was actually scared. Of Leo, would you believe it?

"It's my problem as well..." Leo said. I was too frightened to ask him why was it his problem, although I really wanted. He, thankfully, continued:

"If you are gonna be outta money, you're fucked... What means I'm fucked with my sales."

"I... I..." I wanted really bad to say something, something that would turn this frightening man into the smiling Leo Johnson I knew. But I couldn't find the words.

"So watch what you're doing, Laura Palmer. It's not a thing you can play with when you're bored. If you start, you have to be willing to go all the way."

**April 2nd, 1987**

"Leo?" I asked. He didn't say anything, he just stepped away from the door and let me in.

"The last of pure, Laura," he said, trying hard not to show his emotions. He put the cocaine into my hands. I looked at it – not very much, I must admit.

"Thanks," I smiled at him, kissing his lips softly.

"You are actually really welcome," he muttered, still controlling himself. But now I've heard a little bit of anger.

"Leo..." I smiled at him. "What's up?"

"You are fucking addicted, that's up!" he exploded.

"I'm not some kind of weird addict, Leo," I smiled, although I wasn't sure about that. "I'm just really messed up... I wouldn't need this if it weren't for..."

"For what? For your addiction!" he screamed.

"Stop it, Leo..." I sighed. "I didn't have coke for... How long was it?"

"Four days," he whispered among his teeth. Ugh! This wasn't a good argument at all!

"Well... But I am trying to control it," I smiled. "Do not worry, it will be okay."

"I have to see you about that cocaine money," he growled. Damn! I knew we will get to this, but... Damn!

"Uh... Oh... Okay," I sighed. I didn't want to protest – he was already angry enough. This would only make him angrier, and that's the last thing I wanted now.

"And now, please go," he said, opening the door. He was literally blowing me out!

"But Leo..." I smiled mysteriously, coming forward. I wanted to open up to him... I wanted him to love me. Because that was the only way I could make him happier.

"Please, do leave," he said. Why didn't it work?

"But... But Leo..." I protested, now a bit offended. "Why?"

"Because I am fed up with you," he retorted, annoyed. And then he slammed the door behind me.

**-o0o-**

"Bobby, we need to get another dealer," I sighed.

"Why, babe? Leo's a good man, isn't he?" Bobby was surprised.

"Today I needed coke really badly and he was really angry with me," I sighed.

"Angry?"

"Why do you sound so surprised? Have you never seen Leo angry?" I asked.

"Sometimes yes, but why would he be angry with you?"

"'Cause I am addicted, he said," I shrugged my shoulders.

"And that's what bothers him? Man, he can be happy that you're addicted! That means more money for him!" laughed Bobby. This offended me – wasn't he bothering at all if I was addicted? The only thing he was thinking... Oh my god! Why was I going out with him, anyway? If I wouldn't... If I wouldn't go out with him, I would be the nice girl I was before 2nd October. I guess it started then – at Leo's. But now... My, my mother always told me NOT to get into these things, and I was convincing her that I never will... And now... How could I possibly get here? Looking for a cocaine dealer? Fucking Leo for fucking coke? Was I really that bad? Oh, man, I started to be like the girl Bob said I was – the fallen girl, misused, mistrusted, lost prostitute? I felt that I was – but I didn't want to! I just wanted... I just wanted... A big fat line of coke. Oh, man, was it really that bad with me? How could I be like this?

"I guess it's because he isn't able to transport more..." I said, ignoring Bobby.

"Nay, that's bullshit. He's getting it from Canada! That's totally okay!" Bobby sighed. I saw that this problem was getting worse.

"But what do you want to do with it?" he asked.

"I don't know... But Leo asked me for the money today... I don't think I'm gonna be able to keep this up – I'm gonna bankrupt," I sighed. Bobby hugged me around my waist and smiled at me:

"Oh come on, babe... Don't me such a pessimist... There's always some way, you know?"

"Yeah, but do I really wanna go that way?" I sighed. Oh, damn, I was totally coming down!

"Sometimes I'm wondering, too," Bobby sighed. "But... It's cocaine... And..."

"Yeah, right." Oh, really? Did I want to discuss THIS with Bobby? I wouldn't be able to say this to Donna, not talking about Bobby! What was I doing?  
"I don't know what's gotten into me," I laughed, kissing his lips softly.

"So, where do we go now?" I asked after a funny moment, during which I was trying to forget my last sentences.

"We can go over to my place," Bobby suggested. "My father's at work and mom went shopping. They'll be back around nine."

"Wow, can we?"

"Of course, babe... We can do whatever we want... The whole world is ours, Laura..." Nay, not this again! He really wanted me to love him back! But how could I possibly love him back?

**-o0o-**

"Where's the ashtray?" I asked, surprised. It wasn't on the table as usual...

"In the kitchen. Mom was smoking while phoning..."

"Ay, thanks," I smiled at my boyfriend, who came to the living room a minute later with two glasses of 7 Up.

"Just be careful with those cigarettes... If dad finds out..." he sighed deeply.  
"What?" I asked, a bit surprised.

"He'd kill me, I swear. He said I can't smoke until I'm sixteen," he rolled his eyes. "Stupid, I know. It's really childish."

"My parents don't know that I smoke as well," I tried to cheer him up. "I don't want to even think what they would do. Especially father. My mom is an experienced smoker," I laughed, letting out a big cloud of smoke. There was a quite moment during which I was just smoking and sipping my 7 Up, while Bobby was drinking and looking through the window. I was wondering what he was thinking of now – me? Mike? Leo? Cigarettes? His parents? School? Cocaine? I had no idea.

"Laura?" he asked after a moment, still looking away.

"Yeah?"

"May I ask you something?" he turned back to me, now looking deeply into my eyes.

"Sure," I nodded, not taking it really seriously. I was relaxing.

"Do you love me?" This startled me – and totally. Why would he ask such a question? Why did he ask it? He, the coolest guy, was wondering if a girl loves him? We were everywhere together – that meant a lot. So... Why was asking such a question? I was sure he was 100 percent sure that I loved him – but, as I saw now, he wasn't. Why?

But this wasn't the only thing that I was startled with. The another was – did I really love him? This question made me wonder. I thought I did – we were going out together for almost one year, and we were on so many parties together... It was more than expected for both of us to love each other with everlasting, true love. But now... I didn't know. Didn't I love the cocaine more? Wasn't I going out with him just because of that plain white powder? Damn, that would be so bad! I didn't want to be like that!

"Bobby..." I smiled at him mysteriously. I thought this might help him to forget the question. If we would just start kissing now, so we could just skip the question. I didn't want to answer – I couldn't lie to Bobby, but... I didn't really know the answer.

"No," he shook his head, when he saw I wanted to get up and walk over to him, start kissing him and... "Not now, my love. I want to know if you love me."

There was a moment of silence, during which I was blankly looking at Bobby. I didn't know what to do. I was just sitting there, frozen.

"Because I love you, Laura... I love you more than you can imagine," he sighed. I didn't say anything. I don't know why – it would be much more easier to just come over to him and say that I love him, and then we could get by? But I didn't want to lie to Bobby. Not now. The only person I've ever said "I love you", beside my mother and father, was Donna. And I didn't know if I wanted to be the _I-love-everybody_ girl. Because "I love you" wasn't a phrase you could use whenever you want, just to get people to like you. It was a phrase with a bigger meaning. And I didn't want to use it now, when I didn't know...

"But it looks like you don't feel the same," Bobby sighed deeply. He was disappointed. Oh, man, he really loved me! Bobby Briggs loved me! And I... I was just sitting there, looking at him dumbly, having nothing to say.

"I sometimes feel that you're using me," he muttered. That was when I let out a long sigh and looked at him:

"I don't..." I started. There was a moment of silence, during which I made him look back at me: "I am not using you, Bobby... I... I like you," I said. I liked him, yes. But that wasn't _I love you_!

"And you like the coke," he sighed. No! I didn't want him to be like this.

"Come on, Bobby," I pleaded. "It is... Bobby..."

"But I love you, Laura... I want to stay with you..." he was really hurt now. I saw he was feeling hurt.

"No... No..." I felt like crying. I came over to him, and looked into his eyes, our noses nearly touching. I knew he could see the tears deep down there. My eyes started to get wetter.

"I love you, baby..."

"Bobby... Bobby..." I sighed, crying. And then I hugged him. No, I didn't kiss him. I hugged him. Because kissing would mean only another _type-of-prostitute_ stuff. Hug meant that I am his friend as well, and that I can comfort him. Although I wasn't really sure I could do that, but... Well, I tried. And I hoped... Man, I hoped I could love Bobby Briggs back someday.


End file.
